Bitch Slap

Stunts and Effects: 90%
Logic: 9%
Soundtrack: 56%
TnA: 89%
Cognitive Decline of Audience: 90% 
Overall Inches on the Action Erection Scale: 11 out of 12

The Grindhouse resurgence shows no signs of stopping. First it was Planet Terror and Death Proof in 2007, which was followed by (in no particular order) Black Dynamite, Drag Me To Hell, Piranha 3D, Machete, and Hobo with a Shotgun, but it seems that the home video market (and, in particular, Netflix) are where the schlockiest of schlock goes to find an audience. That is the case of Bitch Slap, a heist flick that is heavy on the visual pleasures but a little misguided when it comes to depicting the Grindhouse charm that it attempts to satire.

One of the best action sequences of the last decade. Seriously.

Wikipedia describes the plot of Bitch Slap as being about three women who “arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort massive booty from a ruthless underworld kingpin.” Now, I’m sure that’s what was going on while I was watching it (or should I say, “oggling it"), but the fact that I didn’t care enough to decipher even the flimsiest of plot mechanics is a testament to how nonsensical the whole thing is. Sure, this was the intent of the filmmakers (no arguments there) but it kind of denies the movie your attention for almost an hour before things get interesting.


Bitch Slap doesn’t really fulfill it’s goal of “Building a Better B-Movie” (although some of the cinematography is stellar) until the film completely removes the male element and let’s the ladies go for broke. Don’t get me wrong, this film isn’t attempting to reverse the male fantasy in favor of the females (like Tarantino’s Death Proof), but a pair of climactic catfights does prove that the actresses (and, more specifically, their stunt women) not only “get” the joke but also have the enthusiasm to deliver the punchline. Their showdown raises the whole thing from an Axe commercial to an indefensible guilty purchase.