G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra: George Lucas Didn't Kill Your Childhood...This Movie Did.

Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller

2 out of 5 on the Schwarz-O-Meter

Just when you think there aren't enough villainous plots involving satellites and missiles, here comes G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Mandatory Maxim: Rachel Nichols plays Scarlet

While man law dictates that I point out the watch-ability of a fire-headed Rachel Nichols, it is not enough to make the notable good intentions of Rise of Cobra worth your time. I say notable because, despite the online hostility that has been lobed at the film, I kind of feel that its heart was in the right place.

Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Hellsing) likes to make shiny, silly things, and Cobra is filled with just that. Sets are decorated with the cheap-looking, kid-friendly, Korean plastic-ness of Hasbro toys and the story is met with an equally juvenile approach.

The producers' logic is understandable considering GI Joe's roots in playground combat. Unfortunately, Sommers and company disregard the fact that GI Joe's largest fanbase is all grown up. Compared to Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg's Transformers films --- which are FAR from sophisticated but at least stepped into the millennium with its playmates --- Rise of Cobra exposes the ridiculousness of it's core concept. Sure it's dumb, but we didn't come to relive our childhood memories in live-action only to reconfirm that it's, well...dumb.

Regardless, after years of pining for an honest to God Hollywood version of the animated movie, Cobra may be the live-action movie that G.I. Joe fans ultimately deserve.

Is it Action A Go Go or Action A No No? ACTION A NO NO
Storm Shadow looks like an Elvis impersonator. Do yourself a favor and keep your Saturday morning nostalgia intact.